I Am Not a Bum

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Psalm 139:13-14

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

“But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.” 1 Corinthians 1:27

I am not a bum, a loser, or a failure. And NEITHER ARE YOU. My life is not worthless, useless, or good for nothing. And neither is yours. But let me tell you something — I spent most of my life believing it was. And if you’re reading this right now, there’s a fair chance you believe it about yourself too.

Has someone’s words or actions hurt you so badly you don’t think you can take it any longer? Are you constantly depressed and tired of putting on a happy face for the rest of the world? Feeling like dying would be the answer to everything — that you have nothing left to live for? Are you feeling suicidal?

DON’T YOU DO IT. I mean it. And read on.

Or maybe someone’s words or actions hurt you so badly it makes you really, REALLY angry. Is that anger building and building inside you, boiling away and needing an outlet? Do you find yourself taking it out on others — those weaker than you, or those who are different? Would people call you a bully?

STOP IT. NOW. And read on. Because this is for you too.

I know both of those people. I HAVE BEEN both of those people. The one who wanted to disappear off the face of the earth, and the one who hurt others because the pain inside had nowhere else to go. So I’m not talking down to you. I’m talking TO you. From the inside. Pull up a chair, because this is going to be the most important conversation you’ve had in a long time.

Have You Ever Stopped to Think About How Valuable You Are?

No? I didn’t think so. Neither did I — not for decades. And here’s why: you’ve been too busy DROWNING. Negative words became negative thoughts. Negative thoughts became a dark, screaming inner voice demanding dark actions. You didn’t have time to consider your value because someone, or SOMETHING, has been working very hard to make sure you never do. And that’s not an accident, my friend. That’s a STRATEGY.

The Oldest Trick in the Book

Let me tell you something that changed my life. Not a self-help technique. Not a motivational poster you stick on your fridge next to the shopping list. This is an ancient secret — as old as time itself — and it is devastatingly simple.

Here it is: there is an enemy, and he has a playbook. It has ONE play in it. And it works almost every time.

The Bible calls him Satan. The name literally means “the accuser” — the one who points the finger. And here’s what makes him so effective: he doesn’t come at you with a pitchfork and a cape. That would be too obvious, and honestly, a bit ridiculous. Can you imagine? No. He comes at you through the mouth of your father, your mother, your teacher, your classmate, your boss, your so-called friend. He comes through the people who are SUPPOSED to love you. He whispers through them: “You’re a bum. You’re fat. You’re ugly. You’re stupid. You should never have been born. You might as well just kill yourself.”

Now here’s the thing — he CAN’T tell you God doesn’t love you, because God’s Word says otherwise, and that’s a fight he’ll lose every day of the week and twice on Sunday. So he does something much sneakier. He gets to you BEFORE you ever open a Bible. Before you ever hear that you are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). Before anyone tells you that God has plans for you — “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11). Before you learn that God deliberately chooses the people the world considers foolish and weak and overlooked — to do EXTRAORDINARY things (1 Corinthians 1:27).

That’s like a restaurant giving you food poisoning before you ever see the menu. By the time you sit down, you don’t want to eat. HOW SNEAKY IS THAT?!

He plants the lie first. And then everything God tries to give you after that — love, purpose, belonging, a future — bounces off the wall that lie has built. That’s the strategy. That’s the whole play. And it’s been running since the Garden of Eden.

Why It Works So Well

Here’s what makes this so maddeningly effective: when you hear something often enough, especially as a child, it stops being somebody else’s words and becomes YOUR voice. Psychologists call it internalisation. The insults move from the outside in. They become the voice in your head. And once they’re in there, you don’t even recognise them as lies anymore. They just feel like… the truth.

You stop thinking “My dad says I’m worthless.” You just think “I’m worthless.” And then the dominoes fall. You destroy the good things in your life because you don’t believe you deserve them. Or the pain gets so unbearable that dying seems like the only exit. Or the anger gets so explosive that you start inflicting the same wounds on someone else — because that’s the only thing that gives you five minutes of relief from your own agony.

The victim becomes the bully. The bullied child grows up and bullies their own kids. Hurt people hurt people. And the cycle spins, generation after generation, exactly the way the enemy designed it. It’s the world’s worst hand-me-down. Nobody asks for it, but it keeps getting passed along like a fruitcake at Christmas — except this one actually does damage.

But Here’s What He Doesn’t Want You to Know

If you were truly worthless, NOBODY WOULD BOTHER ATTACKING YOU. Let me tell you, you need to sit with that one for a second.

You don’t put a security system on an empty house. You don’t send an army to guard a pile of dirt. The very fact that you have been targeted — that someone, or something, has invested THIS much effort in tearing you down — is actually evidence that you are valuable. Deeply, dangerously valuable. Valuable enough to be a THREAT. Smith Wigglesworth used to say the devil knows your potential even when you don’t — and that’s why he hits so early and so hard. The enemy isn’t wasting his ammunition on nobodies, friend. He’s spending it on YOU because he’s TERRIFIED of what you’ll become when you figure out who you are.

God chose the weak things of this world to shame the strong. He chose the overlooked, the despised, the people others write off as bums and losers — and He said, “Those are Mine. Watch what I do with them.” The enemy knows this. He’s seen God do it a thousand times — with David, a shepherd boy nobody took seriously. With Moses, a stuttering fugitive living in the back end of nowhere. With a bunch of uneducated fishermen who turned the world upside down. He KNOWS God has a purpose for you. And that terrifies him. So he gets to work early. Before you can discover who you are, he tells you who you’re not.

My Story (A Taste)

I was about seven years old. My father would come home from work, wrestle with me on the living room floor — playful, the way dads do — and then he’d lean in close and whisper the same words into my ear, over and over: “You’re a bum. Nothing but a bum. You’ll always be a bum.” His breath tickled the tiny hairs in my ear. But the words didn’t tickle. They took root. They grew into something that shaped every decision I made for decades. No matter what good things God put in my life, I found a way to destroy them. I didn’t deserve them. That’s what the voice said.

But at the same time — and this is important, so don’t miss it — that same seven-year-old boy would secretly open the family Bible. I’d look at the pictures: Noah and the ark, Daniel in the lion’s den, David standing over a giant, Jesus carrying a lamb on His shoulders, talking to little children, hanging on a cross. Something in those pages was speaking to me, even then. Two voices, competing for the same child. One whispering death. One whispering life. And I didn’t know it yet, but the one whispering life had already won — it was just going to take me a while to catch up.

What’s Coming

I’m going to unpack this in a short series of posts so you can peel back the layers one at a time without your head exploding. Here’s the roadmap:

Post 2: My full story. The darkness, the destruction, the moment I hit rock bottom, and the breakthrough that changed everything.

Post 3: The truth about your value — what God says about you versus what the enemy has been whispering — and how to start replacing the lies with what’s real.

Post 4: How to take the high ground and keep it. Practical, spiritual, and lasting. So you don’t go back to that dark place again.

All you have to do right now is keep reading. I’ll do the heavy lifting. Because here’s what I need you to hear today, even if you can’t believe it yet: YOU ARE NOT A BUM. You are not a loser. You are not a failure. You are not “good for nothing.” You are someone the Creator of the universe took the time to put together with His own hands — fearfully and wonderfully — with a purpose so significant that the enemy has been trying to destroy you before you could discover it. Which means, in a strange and beautiful way, the very pain you’re in right now is proof that you matter.

Stay with me. The best part is coming.

* * *

A Moment Before You Go

A.W. Tozer wrote, “The enemy is not error; the enemy is the absence of truth.” The lies you’ve been carrying aren’t just wrong — they’re placeholders. And the truth is coming to take their place.

C.S. Lewis put it this way: “You don’t have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.” The enemy’s been attacking the body and the mind — but he can’t touch the real you. Not unless you let him.

* * *

Next: I Am Not a Bum — Post 2: Two Voices, One Child

* * *

If you or someone you know is in crisis right now, please reach out. You are not alone.

New Zealand: Lifeline 0800 543 354 | Need to Talk? Free call or text 1737

USA: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 988 | Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741

UK: Samaritans 116 123 | Australia: Lifeline 13 11 14

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I Am Not a Bum

Part 2: Two Voices, One Child

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.” James 1:17

“And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony.” Revelation 12:11

Before I tell you my story, let me say something important: my story isn’t worse than yours. It isn’t more dramatic or more deserving of sympathy. It’s just mine. And yours is yours. What I’ve learned is that pain doesn’t come in rankings. It’s not a competition — and if it were, nobody would want the trophy. It doesn’t matter whether the wound came from a father, a mother, a schoolyard, a workplace, or a stranger on the internet. If it broke something in you, it broke something in you. Full stop. End of discussion.

I’m telling you my story for one reason: so that somewhere in it, you might see your own. And so you might believe me when I say that what happened to me doesn’t have to take you as many years as it took me. Because let me tell you, I took the scenic route through the wilderness and I do NOT recommend it.

Two Voices

When I was about seven years old, two things were happening at the same time, and I didn’t understand either of them. The first: I would open the family Bible — it was kept in a locker at the foot of my parents’ bed — and I’d look at the pictures. Noah and the ark. Daniel standing calmly among lions like he was at a petting zoo. David, small and brave. Jesus carrying a lamb on His shoulders. Jesus talking to little children. Jesus hanging on a cross. I didn’t fully understand what I was looking at, but something in those pages was reaching out to me. It was as if the Bible were speaking directly to a seven-year-old boy who hadn’t been taught to listen for it. God was introducing Himself. HOW COOL IS THAT?! The Creator of heaven and earth, introducing Himself to a kid through pictures in a book.

The second: my father would come home from work, and we’d wrestle on the living room floor. Playful. The way dads do. But then he’d lean in close — so close I could feel his breath tickling the tiny hairs in my ear — and he’d whisper the same words, over and over: “You’re a bum. Nothing but a bum. You’ll always be a bum.”

Two voices. One telling me I was seen and loved. The other telling me I was nothing. Both planting seeds in the same child. Looking back, I believe that’s EXACTLY what was happening in the spiritual realm. God was drawing me to Himself through those pages — showing me who He was and, in time, who I was meant to be. And the enemy, recognising the threat that posed, moved quickly to shut it down. Not with a dramatic confrontation. Just with a whisper. Through my own father’s mouth. A battle for a child’s mind. And for a very long time, the wrong voice won.

The Long, Slow Fall

I’m not going to walk you through every painful year. That would take more posts than either of us has patience for, and frankly, some of those years don’t deserve the airtime. The short version is this: I believed the lie. And then I lived it out.

Self-destruction wore many faces in my life. Some of them looked obvious from the outside. Others were hidden — quiet, internal collapses that nobody saw. But they all grew from the same root: I didn’t believe I deserved anything good. So whenever something good came along — a relationship, an opportunity, a moment of peace — I found a way to destroy it. EVERY TIME. Not because I wanted to, but because the voice in my ear had become the voice in my head, and it told me I wasn’t worthy of it.

Let me tell you something I’ve figured out about addiction — whether it’s alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, whatever the substance or behaviour. I think people who struggle with addiction are all really addicted to the same thing: SELF-DESTRUCTION. The faces change, but the engine underneath is identical. It’s a person who has been told, one way or another, that they are not worth saving. And eventually they start to agree. That was me. And the end result, more than once, was attempted suicide. Because when you truly believe you are nothing — not just on a bad day, but in your BONES — dying feels like the only logical conclusion.

If you recognise any of this, STAY WITH ME. Because it doesn’t end here.

The God Who Doesn’t Give Up

Here’s the thing about God that drives the enemy absolutely crazy: He is RELENTLESS. Even when I was actively destroying everything He put in front of me, He kept putting things in front of me. Good things. Good people. Moments of grace that I didn’t recognise as grace until much later. Every single time, He was trying to show me the Heavenly Father He is. Not the voice that whispered cruelty. Not the authority figure who tore me down. The REAL Father — the one who gives good and perfect gifts, in whom there is “no variableness, neither shadow of turning” (James 1:17).

Let me tell you, that verse right there will rewire your brain if you let it. Think about it — no shadow of turning. NO dark side. No hidden cruelty. Not even a sliver. Even one strand of hair can cast a shadow — but not God. There is no angle from which He is anything other than LIGHT. But I couldn’t see it. Not yet. The lie was too loud and too old and too deeply rooted. And so the good gifts kept coming, and I kept destroying them, and the years kept passing.

When the Bottom Fell Out

Eventually — and I won’t go into all the details because some stories are between me and God — the bottom fell out. I reached a place so low that there was nowhere left to fall. And in THAT place, something happened that I didn’t expect.

I came face to face with a gift that God had promised me long ago — during those childhood days when I sat with His Word and His presence. A gift I had completely forgotten about. A person. Someone who, when I looked back on the whole tangled mess of my life, I could see had been woven into God’s plan from the very beginning. And with that came a revelation that shook me to my core: my life — this life I had spent decades trying to throw away — was a gift that this person had prayed for. This was an encounter He had been orchestrating across years, across lives, long before either of us could see it.

It felt miraculous. And it WAS. But it was also short-lived. Because once again, the enemy came, and that gift was taken from me. If you know what it’s like to have something precious ripped away — something you KNOW in your soul was meant for you — then you know the kind of grief I’m talking about. It’s a heartsickness that doesn’t have a cure in this world. James was right: every good and perfect gift comes from the Father of lights. And when one is taken, the darkness feels total.

But God wasn’t finished. He’s NEVER finished. That’s what the enemy keeps getting wrong.

Alone, and Blessed

What followed was a year of reflection. Alone. Isolated. And — strangely — blessed. It was as though God had pulled me aside and said, “Sit here with Me for a while. Just us.” No distractions. No noise. Just the quiet work of a Father rebuilding something that had been broken for a very long time. After that year, I was led to serve in a ministry in a small inner-city neighbourhood. From the outside, it wasn’t much to look at. It was the kind of place that even police officers didn’t like to enter — and I say that from experience, not exaggeration. But to me, it was the most satisfying season of my new life. I was finally doing something that lined up with who I was meant to be, even if I didn’t fully understand it yet.

Little did I know that the deepest breakthrough of my life was about to walk past my front door.

Four Boys and a Police Officer

One day, a police officer knocked on my door. He’d heard about the good work the ministry was doing in the neighbourhood, and he wanted to know more. We stood there talking. While we talked, four young boys — all younger than twelve — walked past, saying hello, on their way to a space I’d set aside for them on the property behind my apartment. Just kids. Kids I knew.

The officer watched them go, then turned to me and began to TEAR THEM APART. He told me how many times they’d been arrested. How they stole for their father. How they’d never amount to anything. What, he wanted to know, would I even want to do with kids like that?

And in that moment, something happened that I can only describe as God pulling back a curtain. It was as if I stepped outside of myself and saw the scene from above. A man in authority, dismissing children he didn’t understand. Declaring their future was already decided. Writing them off. And suddenly I wasn’t hearing a police officer anymore. I was hearing my FATHER. “You’re a bum. You’ll never amount to anything. Not like the other kids.”

But THIS time, I wasn’t the child on the floor. I was the adult at the door. And I could SEE THE LIE for what it was.

I told that officer off. Let me tell you, “politely” is NOT the word I’d use. He didn’t know ANYTHING about those boys. He didn’t know their hearts, their lives, the circumstances they had no choice in being born into. He didn’t get to decide their future. That’s GOD’S job, not his. And GOD has a rather different hiring policy than the New Zealand Police.

Then I excused myself, went inside, and wept.

Something broke in me that day. Not the way things had broken before — not another collapse, another failure. This was DIFFERENT. This was the sound of a chain snapping. The lie my father had planted in a seven-year-old boy’s ear, the lie that had driven decades of self-destruction, the lie that told me I was nothing and never would be — IT BROKE. Because in defending those boys, I was defending myself. For the first time in my life, I could see the lie from the OUTSIDE. And from the outside, it was so obviously, heartbreakingly wrong.

I Know Who I Am

I have been working out that change ever since. It didn’t all happen in a single afternoon — healing rarely does, and anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something. But the chain broke that day, and it has STAYED broken. I know who I am in Christ. Nothing can raise itself against me ever again. Not the memory of my father’s words. Not the years of destruction. Not the enemy’s whispers. This is my testimony, as it is written: they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony (Revelation 12:11). And I OVERCOME.

I live daily with a deep sorrow for the gift that was taken from me. That heartsickness hasn’t gone away, and I’m not sure it will on this side of eternity. I hold onto the hope that one day there will be a reconciliation — because God is in the business of restoration, and He’s rather good at it. But even in the waiting, I am not who I was. The lie no longer defines me. And I can’t ask my father why he said those words. That opportunity is lost. If I could, I think he probably would have said he doesn’t know. Maybe he didn’t. Maybe the voice that used his mouth didn’t need his permission.

And You?

I didn’t tell you my story so you’d feel sorry for me. I told you because somewhere in the mess of it, you might have seen your own reflection. Different details, different faces, SAME WAR.

And I need you to hear this: YOU DON’T HAVE TO WAIT AS LONG AS I DID. It took me decades to reach my breakthrough. Decades of believing a lie that could have been broken much sooner if someone had shown me the truth. I don’t want that for you. That’s why I’m writing this. That’s why the next post exists. In Post 3, I’m going to turn from my story to YOURS. I’m going to show you what God says about you — not what the enemy has whispered, not what the bully has shouted, not what the voice in your head keeps repeating. What GOD says. And it’s going to change the way you see yourself.

Because here’s what I’ve learned: the Beatitudes aren’t just poetry. They’re a portrait. And when I read them now, I see YOU. “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.” That’s not weakness. That’s QUALIFICATION. And there’s more to come.

Stay with me. Your breakthrough doesn’t have to be decades away. It might be closer than you think.

* * *

A Moment Before You Go

Lord, I don’t fully understand everything that’s happened to me. But today I’m choosing to believe that the voice that called me worthless is not Yours. Help me hear the One that’s been speaking since I was a child — the One that said I was worth coming for. In Jesus’ name, amen.

* * *

Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote, “God does not give us everything we want, but He does fulfill His promises, leading us along the best and straightest paths to Himself.” Even the crooked path you’ve walked — He’s been straightening it behind you.

A.W. Tozer said, “God is looking for people through whom He can do the impossible. What a pity that we plan only the things we can do by ourselves.” Your breakthrough isn’t a DIY project. It’s a God project. And He’s already started.

* * *

Next: I Am Not a Bum — Post 3: You — Yes, You

If you or someone you know is in crisis right now, please reach out. You are not alone.

New Zealand: Lifeline 0800 543 354 | Need to Talk? Free call or text 1737

USA: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 988 | Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741

UK: Samaritans 116 123 | Australia: Lifeline 13 11 14

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Always

I Am Not a Bum

Part 3: You — Yes, You

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.” Matthew 5:3-5

“Jesus said to him, I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6

The Portrait

I ended the last post by saying that when I read the Beatitudes now, I see you. I meant it. So let me show you what I mean, because this is where everything starts to shift.

Most people read the Beatitudes as a list of things to BECOME. Be more meek. Be more merciful. Be more pure. Like a spiritual self-improvement checklist. Like God handed out homework on a hillside and everyone’s been scrambling to get a passing grade ever since. But that is NOT what Jesus was doing up there. He wasn’t handing out homework. He was PAINTING A PORTRAIT. And the person in that portrait? It’s the one the world wrote off. It’s YOU.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:3). You think being broken disqualifies you? Jesus says it’s your ENTRY TICKET. The kingdom of heaven doesn’t belong to the people who have it all together. It belongs to the ones who know they DON’T. If you’re sitting there thinking “I have nothing to offer God,” congratulations — you just met the entrance requirement. HOW COOL IS THAT?! The whole religious world is trying to climb the ladder, and Jesus is at the bottom saying, “The door’s down here, mate.”

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted” (Matthew 5:4). You’ve mourned. You’ve carried grief that nobody around you could see — the kind you wear on the inside like a lead vest. Jesus doesn’t say “get over it.” He doesn’t say “chin up.” He says you’re BLESSED in the middle of it. And He promises comfort — not the bumper-sticker kind, but the kind that comes from the God who collects your tears in a bottle (Psalm 56:8). Let me tell you, He hasn’t missed a SINGLE one. Not one tear has hit the ground unnoticed.

“Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth” (Matthew 5:5). The meek. Not the aggressive. Not the loudest voice in the room. Not the one who clawed their way to the top over everyone else’s backs. The one who got pushed to the bottom and STAYED GENTLE. That’s not weakness. That’s strength under control. And Jesus says the WHOLE EARTH belongs to you. The scoreboard is rigged, friend, and it’s rigged in YOUR favour. God’s been cooking the books since before you were born.

What God Says vs. What You Heard

Now I want to do something simple. I want to put the lie right next to the truth and let you see them side by side. Because once you see them together, the lie starts to lose its grip. It’s like turning on a light in a room full of shadows — the shadows don’t fight back. They just disappear.

The voice said you’re worthless. God says you are FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE (Psalm 139:14). The voice said you shouldn’t have been born. God says He KNEW you before He formed you in the womb (Jeremiah 1:5). The voice said nobody wants you. God says He CHOSE you before the foundation of the world (Ephesians 1:4). The voice said you’ll never amount to anything. God says He has plans to PROSPER you and give you a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). The voice said you’re too broken to be used. God says His POWER is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). The voice said you should just give up. God says He will NEVER leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5). The voice said you’re alone. God says even before a word is on your tongue, He knows it altogether (Psalm 139:4).

One of these voices has been lying to you your entire life. The other one CREATED THE UNIVERSE. I’ll let you work out which one to trust.

The Replacement

Here’s something important that a lot of people miss, and it’s the kind of thing that can trip you up right when you think you’re making progress: healing isn’t just about removing the lie. It’s about REPLACING it. Jesus actually warned about this, and He wasn’t messing around:

“When the unclean spirit has gone out of a person, it passes through waterless places seeking rest, and finding none it says, ‘I will return to my house from which I came.’ And when it comes, it finds the house swept and put in order. Then it goes and brings seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they enter and dwell there. And the last state of that person is worse than the first” (Luke 11:24-26).

Let me tell you what that means in plain English: a house swept clean but left EMPTY gets filled with something worse. An empty house is just an invitation for squatters. And the spiritual kind don’t pay rent, don’t clean up after themselves, and they bring SEVEN MATES with them. You can’t just stop believing the lie. You have to start believing the TRUTH. And that truth isn’t a philosophy or a mindset or a positive affirmation you tape to your bathroom mirror next to the toothpaste stains. That truth has a NAME.

Jesus. He said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life” (John 14:6). He didn’t say He would SHOW you the truth or TEACH you the truth. He said He IS the truth. The replacement for every lie the enemy has ever planted in you is a PERSON — the same one who was speaking to you through those Bible pictures when you were seven, the same one who sat on a hillside and told broken people they were blessed, the same one who went to a cross so that the wall of lies between you and God could be torn down FOREVER. When you fill the house with Him, there’s no room for the squatters. Wigglesworth used to say, “I am not moved by what I see. I am not moved by what I feel. I am moved only by what I believe.” And what I believe is that the truth of Jesus Christ is bigger than any lie the enemy has ever whispered.

You Don’t Have to Wait

It took me DECADES to get free. Decades of believing a whisper that was never true. I don’t want that for you. Not one more year. Not one more month. Not one more WEEK of living under a lie that the Creator of the universe has already contradicted in His Word.

You don’t need to clean yourself up first. You don’t need to understand everything. You don’t need to have the right words or the right feelings or the right amount of faith. You just need to be HONEST. Tell God where you are — even if where you are is face down on the floor with nothing left. ESPECIALLY if that’s where you are. He’s been waiting for you to stop pretending. “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). That’s Jesus, talking to YOU. Not to the put-together people. Not to the ones who have it figured out. To the HEAVY LADEN. The exhausted. The ones who’ve been carrying a lie so long their back is breaking.

Come. That’s it. Just come. And when you do, He won’t remind you of what you’ve done or where you’ve been or what was said about you. He’ll do what He’s been wanting to do since before you were born. He’ll tell you who you REALLY are. And it won’t sound anything like “bum.”

* * *

A Moment Before You Go

Lord, I’m tired of the lie. I’m tired of the voice that tells me I’m nothing. I don’t have the strength to fight it on my own, and I’m not going to pretend I do. I’m coming to You — empty, broken, and honest. Fill the house. Replace the lies with Your truth. Tell me who I am. I’m listening. In Jesus’ name, amen.

* * *

A.W. Tozer wrote, “What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.” If the first thing that comes to mind is fear or judgment, the enemy has been at your theology. God is light, and in Him there is no darkness at all.

C.S. Lewis said, “The Son of God became a man to enable men to become sons of God.” That’s not a metaphor. That’s a job description. And the position is yours.

* * *

Next: I Am Not a Bum — Post 4: The High Ground

* * *

If you or someone you know is in crisis right now, please reach out. You are not alone.

New Zealand: Lifeline 0800 543 354 | Need to Talk? Free call or text 1737

USA: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 988 | Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741

UK: Samaritans 116 123 | Australia: Lifeline 13 11 14

  i-CH
Always

I Am Not a Bum.

Part 4: The High Ground

“Put on the whole armour of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.” Ephesians 6:11

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” Romans 8:37

The Morning After

So you’ve heard the truth. Maybe you even believe it. Maybe for the first time in a long time, something inside you shifted — a crack of light in a room that’s been dark for years. Feels good, doesn’t it? Hold onto that. Because tomorrow morning you’re going to wake up, and the old voice is going to be right there waiting for you like an unwanted alarm clock. It didn’t get the memo. The lie doesn’t pack its bags and leave just because you’ve seen the truth. It comes back. It knocks. Sometimes it BANGS on the door at 3 a.m. when your defences are down and you’re too tired to fight.

So what do you do? You take the high ground. And you HOLD it.

This isn’t a motivational speech. I’m not going to tell you to “believe in yourself,” because frankly, that’s what got most of us into trouble in the first place. Self-belief is a terrible foundation — it cracks under pressure every time. I’m going to tell you to believe in the One who believes in YOU. And I’m going to give you some practical, simple, doable things that will help you keep standing when the lie comes back for another round. Because it WILL come back. But so will you. And you’ll be ready.

Feed the Right Voice

Here’s a simple principle that will change your life if you let it: WHATEVER YOU FEED GROWS. Whatever you starve dies. That’s it. That’s the whole secret. You can write it on a napkin.

If you keep feeding the lie — through isolation, through toxic relationships, through scrolling through content that tears you down, through replaying the old tapes in your head at 2 a.m. like they’re your favourite album — it’ll keep growing. It’s a weed, and weeds don’t need much encouragement. I’ve never met a weed that needed a pep talk. But if you feed the TRUTH — through Scripture, through prayer, through people who speak life over you — it grows instead. And the truth grows STRONGER than the lie ever was, because the truth has roots that go all the way down to the throne of God.

This is basically the spiritual version of “you are what you eat.” And some of us have been eating junk for YEARS. Time to change the menu. Start small. One verse a day. Even if it’s the same verse for a month. Psalm 139:14 is a good place to start: “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Say it out loud. Say it until the voice in your head starts to sound like God’s voice instead of your father’s. Or your bully’s. Or your own worst self-talk. “Faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ” (Romans 10:17). Faith comes from HEARING. So give yourself something worth hearing. Turn off the garbage and turn on the Word.

The Armour

The Apostle Paul knew what it was like to be attacked. Beaten, shipwrecked, imprisoned, left for dead — the man had a rough run. Let me tell you, Paul’s CV reads like a disaster movie script. And his advice on how to stand? Put on armour. “Put on the whole armour of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil” (Ephesians 6:11). I’m not going to walk through every piece — you can read Ephesians 6 yourself and I’d strongly encourage you to. But let me hit the ones that matter most for what you’re dealing with.

THE BELT OF TRUTH. Paul says truth holds everything else together. You know what a belt does? It holds everything up. Without truth, your pants fall down and you’re standing there looking foolish — spiritually speaking. Although let’s be honest, literally too. The truth of who God says you are is what holds your whole identity in place. Strap it on first thing in the morning. Before coffee. Before the phone. Before the world gets a word in.

THE SHIELD OF FAITH. Paul says it extinguishes EVERY fiery dart of the evil one. Every dart. Not some. EVERY. That includes the whisper of a father. The taunt of a bully. The voice in your head at 3 a.m. that says you should give up. Faith doesn’t mean you don’t feel the heat. It means the dart doesn’t PENETRATE. There’s a difference between getting shot at and getting shot. The shield is the difference.

THE SWORD OF THE SPIRIT. That’s the Word of God. And notice — it’s the ONLY offensive weapon in the list. Everything else is defensive. The Word of God is what you SWING. When the lie says “you’re worthless,” you swing back with “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” When the lie says “nobody wants you,” you swing back with “He chose me before the foundation of the world.” Jesus used this EXACT strategy when the devil came at Him in the wilderness. Three temptations, three lies — and every time, Jesus answered with “It is written” (Matthew 4:1-11). He swung the sword. And the enemy LEFT. He’ll leave you too. Not forever — he’s persistent, I’ll give him that — but he’ll leave. And every time you stand, you get STRONGER.

Find Your People

You can’t do this alone. I tried. For DECADES. It doesn’t work. Trust me on this one — I have the scars to prove it.

The enemy isolates you because isolation makes you vulnerable. When you’re alone, the lie is the loudest voice in the room. But when you’re surrounded by people who know the truth and aren’t afraid to speak it over you, the lie starts to SHRINK. It’s like a bully who only picks on kids when there are no adults around — put some truth-speakers in the room and watch how quickly the lie shuts its mouth.

I’m not saying you need to join a committee. Nobody needs another committee. The world has enough committees. But you need SOMEBODY who’ll look you in the eye and remind you who you are when you forget. A church. A small group. A prayer partner. Even ONE person who will stand with you. Remember David in the cave of Adullam? Four hundred broken men — distressed, indebted, bitter in soul — gathered together in a place called Refuge. They didn’t heal in isolation. They healed in COMMUNITY, gathered around a leader who knew what it was like to be hunted. And God turned them into mighty warriors. Let me tell you, if God can turn four hundred bitter, broken, indebted blokes into a mighty army, He can do something with YOU and the people He puts around you. You need your Adullam. Find it. If you don’t have one, ask God for one. He’s been putting broken people together since the beginning of time. He’s VERY good at it.

Forgive

This is the hard one. And I’m not going to pretend it isn’t. If I told you this was easy, you’d know I was lying, and we’ve had enough lies in this series to last a lifetime.

If you’ve been carrying the weight of what someone did to you — the words they said, the damage they caused, the childhood they stole — you might feel like forgiveness is letting them off the hook. It isn’t. Let me tell you what forgiveness actually is: it’s cutting the CHAIN so you can move forward. It’s saying, “I’m not going to carry YOUR sin anymore. I’m giving it to God, because it’s too heavy for me.” Unforgiveness is the anchor that keeps you stuck in the wrong river. As long as you hold onto it, you’re tethered to the person who hurt you. And they might not even KNOW it. They’re going about their day, having their coffee, watching telly, while you’re drowning in a current you were never meant to stay in.

“Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive” (Colossians 3:13). As the Lord has forgiven YOU. That’s the standard. And if God can forgive you for everything you’ve done — and He HAS, through Jesus — then by His grace, you can forgive the person who hurt you. Not in your own strength. You don’t have enough. Nobody does. In HIS.

Take the Land

When Joshua was about to lead Israel into the Promised Land, God said something to him THREE times. Not once. Not twice. Three times: “Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9).

When God repeats Himself, PAY ATTENTION. He wasn’t saying it three times because Joshua was forgetful. He was saying it because taking new ground is HARD, and the voice of fear would try to stop him at every turn. Smith Wigglesworth once said, “Great faith is the product of great fights. Great testimonies are the outcome of great tests.” The fight is real. But so is the victory.

The truth you’ve heard in this series — that you’re valuable, that you’re chosen, that the lie was never yours to carry — that’s your Promised Land. But you have to WALK into it. Nobody can walk for you. And every step you take forward is ground the enemy LOSES. There will be mornings when you don’t feel strong. Take the step anyway. There will be days when the old voice comes back louder than ever. Swing the sword. There will be seasons when it feels like nothing has changed. KEEP WALKING. The Jordan didn’t part until the priests’ feet touched the water (Joshua 3:15-16). Sometimes God waits for the step before He moves the obstacle. He’s not being difficult — He’s building your faith with every step.

YOU ARE NOT A BUM. You are not a loser. You are not what the lie said you were. You are who GOD says you are — fearfully made, wonderfully designed, chosen on purpose, and armed for the fight. “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us” (Romans 8:37). MORE than conquerors. Not barely surviving. Not hanging on by a thread. Not scraping through by the skin of your teeth. MORE THAN CONQUERORS. Through Him.

That’s who you are. Now get up. Take the land. And don’t you dare look back.

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A Moment Before You Go

A.W. Tozer wrote, “God never hurries. There are no deadlines against which He must work. Only to know this is to quiet our spirits and relax our nerves.” The high ground is yours. Take it one step at a time. He’s already there waiting for you.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, “The test of the morality of a society is what it does for its children.” And the test of the enemy’s strategy is what he does TO them. But God’s response to both is the same: “These are Mine. And I’m coming for them.”

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If you or someone you know is in crisis right now, please reach out. You are not alone.

New Zealand: Lifeline 0800 543 354 | Need to Talk? Free call or text 1737

USA: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 988 | Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741

UK: Samaritans 116 123 | Australia: Lifeline 13 11 14

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